Turning up or turning in?

I’m 25 next month and honestly, I don’t quite know how to feel about it. After all, I spent my 23rd birthday in Venice and as soon as it turned midnight I grew very emotional and actually started to cry! It was a weird feeling, like I knew I should’ve been happy but, I kind of wasn’t…

I mean, is there a rule that states you must be happy on your birthday? We’re quick to say “Happy Birthday!” but when you think about it, are we really that happy about getting older or are we just happy that we have a day revolved around us, basking in lots of love and attention, and for the most part, receiving gifts?

Thinking about turning 25, I feel slightly bothered. It’s the first age that I’ve felt like I actually need to have my shit together. It’s the first age where it feels like there’s some sort of pressures attached to it. I should have my own place, I should have my own family and I should have a certain number of savings in my account or should I?

When I was younger, I thought I would’ve had all of the above by now, hell even married! But I couldn’t be further from any of those things and before now, it didn’t seem like much of an issue, but as 25 approaches, it feels like there’s a time bomb ready to start ticking when the clock strikes 12 on October 14th.

What’s even more alarming is that I generally feel myself getting old. I see rave/club events on my Instagram feed that usually, the younger me would be real excited to go too, that don’t even phase me. I no longer get the ‘FOMO’ feeling when I wake up fresh on a Sunday and watch Snapchat videos of nights out in raves and bars.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like a good bar, but I don’t feel like I NEED to be out as opposed to wanting to. Not to mention, if you’ve had a heavy night, the 3 day hangovers that has gradually crept up in recent years. When did partying more or less every weekend turn into every couple of months?

I feel the twenty to thirty age gap is a unusual head space to be in, especially if you’re like me and you have friends that are on complete different ends of the spectrum. I have friends that are pregnant or have babies, and friends that are moving out or saving for mortgages. Then I also have friends that are planning year long travelling trips with settling down being the furthest thing on their mind.

In our Snapchat group chat last week, we had a divided discussion when my friend explained that she went to the club and quickly wanted to retreat back home and snuggle with her boyfriend. My other friend instantly disagreed and expressed all the things that she loved about going out, from the getting ready process, to pre-drinking to finally being in the club and having a great time.

Now, I remember the last few times I’ve been out. I stood there watching everyone else have fun around me and wanting nothing more than to be in bed, in some comfy PJ’s, a cup of tea, cheeky joint and a movie. I felt guilty for not enjoying myself as much as I should and for being a party pooper but to be honest, my back and feet hurt, I was tired and the most important part is I just wasn’t having fun…

So I guess, how do we know when it’s time for us to pack away the dancing shoes and pull out the baby boots?

Teenaged me thought that I’d be 100% sure when the time was right, without feeling like I’ve rushed or didn’t think things through enough but I’ve started to realise that there’s actually no right way to tell if you’re ready or not, other than the activities that used to fill us with joy that we slowly draw back from…

I went to Thorpe Park last week and I had a blast, it was such a good day, but I can just remember having the worst headache from my head banging against the headrest on the rollercoasters. I’ve been to plenty of theme parks when I was younger and that was never something that I’d recalled until now as the thrill and adrenaline always took over any other thought, then it dawned on me, I’m getting older and just like theme parks, a lot of things that used to be fun, just aren’t anymore.

Does that mean that I’m ready to move on with the next chapter of my life?

Now the truth is, a lot has changed for us females over the years. We’re no longer expected to stay at home and watch the baby, we have more opportunities now, we work more and travel more, we want do and see more things and I’m extremely proud to be born into an generation where these things are normal.

It’s liberating to have friends that make their OWN money moves by aspiring to have successful careers and making their mark in society. We all know that it used to be a man’s world but slowly women have really stepped up and gained the recognition that they deserve and so with that in mind it makes it even harder for us women to either chose to be the working woman with no time to settle down or find that special someone and start a family.

The notion of having a house and my own little family makes me really happy, it does. But I LOVE to travel and always have. I have many places to tick off my bucket list and actually, I’d rather not have to do that by struggling to collapse an uncooperating buggy or lug around a changing kit that is hurting my shoulder.

I want to go on holiday to have a holiday and not have to worry about getting off the lounger every five minutes to entertain my child.

I want to go to a restaurant to eat and not have glaring eyes at me because my kid is screaming and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to shut them up.

I want to wear skimpy, low and minimal clothing without being judged for what I wear because I’m a mom.

I want to go to a festival and stay awake for 2 days knowing that I don’t have to come home at a certain time due to childcare.

I want to go on late night car journeys with my boyfriend and not have to worry about bringing the baby or not.

More than anything, I want people to feel that even without a house/baby/marriage, you have been successful so far in adult-hood and shouldn’t feel pressured into doing these things because you think that times running out, or it’s the right thing to do because you’ve reached a certain age.

As 25 is fast advancing, it’s only right I share a few things that bring me comfort in reaching this age:

  1. I have a new job upskill coming at the end of this year which will put me on an amazing salary.
  2. I am more sure of myself and who I am, more than I ever have been.
  3. I feel SO safe, comfortable and grounded in my relationship with Sam more than any of my past relationships, he is my best friend and boyfriend all in one.
  4. The friends that are in my life are here for a reason and the ones that aren’t well, lessons learnt.

This is your life, live it how you want to without any rules or exceptions! Be the best parent you can be or travel to the ends of the earth, none of these are the right way to do things, just your way.

None of us have our shit together and that’s the truth! Life is an everyday series of making mistakes, figuring things out and learning from those in a way that works best for you.

Looking back at my 24 years on this planet, I have achieved so much and I’m honestly so proud of the woman writing this blog today.

So smile, stop being so hard on yourself and embrace your twenties, because they won’t be here forever!

Thank you universe for your abundant blessings and lessons as always x

Libra season is here, and to all my Libra brothers and sisters out there, Happy Birthday, I love you all!

El x

Author: Elle Weaver

Written by Elleblogs, she offers readers a lighthearted look into her life by creating fun, unfiltered and honest blog posts which taps into the real life issues, joys and expectations we face as millennials. Elle Weaver is a 25 year old female of mixed heritage, based in Birmingham, England UK.

One thought on “Turning up or turning in?”

  1. This is such a great read El!! It really speaks volumes for many of us aged in our twenties, thinking and experiencing similar things and it really does bring comfort! Thank you for creating and sharing this with us !!!

    Like

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